What do you want for Christmas?” “Honestly? I don’t know."

If you’ve asked someone this lately, you’ve probably had that answer. Or you’ve given it yourself.

It’s the question that pops up every year in November, usually when you’re halfway through the school run or stood in the kitchen trying to remember whether you’ve bought enough sellotape. And most of us just shrug. “Oh, I don’t need anything.” “Don’t worry about me.” “Just get me something small.”

I say it every year too. And I’ve realised it’s not because we don’t want anything. It’s because we’re so busy thinking about everyone else that we’ve lost track of what we actually need.

December “never stop” mode

You know the one. From the moment the Christmas lights go up, it’s go, go, go.

There are nativity costumes to sort and work deadlines to hit before the break. There’s the food shop, the present shop, wrapping until midnight, the Christmas cards you meant to send last week and the family plans to juggle. Then there’s the elf on the shelf you forgot to move. Again.

It’s a lovely time of year, but for a lot of women it’s also the most exhausting. We make the magic happen for everyone else, and somewhere in the middle of it we run on empty without even noticing. By the time Christmas Day comes, we’re too tired to enjoy it.

So when someone asks “what do you want?”, the honest answer is probably something like this:

“I want to sit down. I want an hour where nobody needs me. I want to switch my brain off. I want to feel like me again.”

The trouble is, you can’t wrap that.

So what CAN you get her?

Think about the women on your list. Your mum, who still does everything for everyone. Your sister, your best friend or your daughter. The colleague who always says “I’m fine.” The friend who’s just had a baby and hasn’t had five minutes to herself in months.

What do they all have in common? They probably don’t need more stuff. Most of us have drawers full of lovely things we were given and never used.

What they need is time. Rest. Permission to stop.

That’s why I’m such a believer in giving the gift of calm. It isn’t about the treatment itself. It’s about what it gives her: an hour or so where she’s looked after, where nobody’s asking her for anything, and where she can finally let her shoulders drop.

I see it every week in my studio. Women arrive with their minds racing and their to-do lists running, and they leave lighter. One client told me she felt like she was floating. Others say it’s the best sleep they’ve had in months. For a lot of them, it’s the first time in ages they’ve done something just for themselves.

Why so many women never book it for themselves

Here’s something I hear all the time: “I’ve been meaning to book in for ages, but I just never get round to it.”

It’s not that they don’t want to. It’s guilt. Guilt about the money, about the time, about doing something for themselves when there’s always something else that needs doing.

A gift takes all of that away. It says:this is for you, and you’re allowed.Sometimes that little nudge is exactly what someone needs.

A few gentle ways to give calm this Christmas

It doesn’t have to cost a thing. Here are a few ideas:

• Offer your time.Take the kids out for an afternoon so she can have a bath, a nap or a coffee in peace.

• Write her a note.Tell her what she means to you. It costs nothing and means everything.

• Plan something slow together.A winter walk, a cosy film night, a cuppa with no phones.

• Give her a moment that’s just hers.That might be a treatment, a class or an experience, something she’d never book for herself.

If you’d like to give the gift of calm

This is exactly why I offer gift vouchers and my calm gift boxes at Christmas.

Each gift box comes beautifully wrapped, with a treatment voucher and a few little things to help her unwind at home: a Sweet Dreams tea, a steam eye mask, a candle, a crystal and an affirmation card. It’s a lovely thing to open on Christmas morning, and the treatment gives her something to look forward to in the new year, when the festive rush is over and she needs it most.

Vouchers can be for any of my treatments, including my most loved Deep Calm, which combines Indian Head Massage and Reiki. The gift box is just £5 extra.

If you’d like one, just message me on07535 680 960or send me a DM on Instagram@haylowe_coaching, and I’ll help you choose the right one for her.

And what about you?

Before you close this, let me ask you the same question.

What do you want for Christmas?

If your answer is “an hour of peace”, you’re not alone. Maybe pop it on your own list this year. You deserve looking after too. 🤍

Hayley x