What If Valentine’s Day Was About You Too? A Gentle Guide to Self-Love (Whether You’re Single or Not)

What If Valentine’s Day Was About You Too? A Gentle Guide to Self-Love (Whether You’re Single or Not)

Valentine’s Day can be… a lot, can’t it?

Everywhere you look it’s roses, meal deals for two, heart-shaped everything and this subtle message of:

“If you’re not in a perfect romantic relationship, you’re somehow missing out.”

Even if you are in a relationship or married, there can also be a quiet pressure to make it special, to organise something lovely, to not forget the card, the gift, the plans.

And somewhere in the middle of all that?

You.

Your needs.

Your nervous system.

Your heart.

This is why I wanted to write this blog.

Because whether you’re single, dating, divorced, married, “it’s complicated” you are still the longest relationship you’ll ever have. And you absolutely deserve some of the love, care and thoughtfulness you pour into everyone else.

This year, what if Valentine’s Day was about you too?

My Relationship with Valentine’s Has Changed

If I’m honest, Valentine’s Day used to be one of those things I didn’t think too deeply about.

Some years it was a card and a takeaway.

Some years it went by in a blur between work, school runs and general life.

Some years I quietly felt a bit “meh” and didn’t really know why.

As my own wellbeing journey unfolded especially as I leant more into holistic health, Reiki, and nervous system work something shifted.

I realised that what I was actually craving wasn’t more stuff.

It was time. Space. Feeling seen. Feeling cared for.

And the big realisation?

I was waiting for other people to give me what I wasn’t giving myself.

I wanted rest but never allowed myself to stop.

I wanted to feel appreciated but never acknowledged myself.

I wanted romance but didn’t offer myself any softness or kindness day-to-day.

So now, for me, Valentine’s is less about “do we have plans?”

And more about “how can I show up for myself with love, today?”

That’s what I want to gently invite you into as you read this.

Self-Love Isn’t Fluffy, It’s Practical

When you hear self-love, you might think bubble baths and fancy candles.

Lovely? Yes.

Enough on their own? Not quite.

Real self-love is often quieter and far more practical:

• Saying no when you’re already exhausted.

• Booking that appointment you keep putting off because “everyone else is more urgent”.

• Feeding your body instead of just grabbing whatever you can between tasks.

• Asking for help before you hit breaking point.

It’s the way you speak to yourself in your own head.

It’s the standards you hold for how you’re treated by others and by yourself.

And on days like Valentine’s Day, when the world shouts about romantic love, it can feel really powerful to whisper to yourself:

“I’m going to choose me today too.”

5 Gentle Ways to Love Yourself This Valentine’s (Whatever Your Status)

You don’t need a huge budget or a dramatic gesture.

Think of these as small, doable acts of care from you, to you.

1. Write Yourself a Love Note (Yes, Really)

Stay with me on this one.

Grab a notebook or even the notes app on your phone and complete these sentences:

• “I’m proud of myself for…”

• “I love that I… ”

• “One thing I’ve come through that I don’t give myself enough credit for is…”

If that feels hard – that’s ok. Start small and honest:

• “I’m proud of myself for getting through last year.”

• “I love that I care so deeply about the people around me.”

You do not have to feel 100% convinced of every sentence.

Sometimes the act of writing it is the first step towards believing it.

2. Give Your Nervous System a Little Holiday

If your mind’s been racing and your body feels like it’s permanently on high alert, the most loving thing you can do might be to give your nervous system a break.

That could look like:

• 5–10 minutes of slow, deep breathing before bed.

• Putting your phone in another room for an hour.

• Booking in a Reiki or Indian Head Massage session to help your body actually switch off for a while.

This isn’t indulgent it’s maintenance.

Your car gets a service. You deserve one too.

3. Do Something Just Because You Enjoy It

Not because it’s productive.

Not because the kids will like it.

Not because your partner suggested it.

Because it makes you smile.

Maybe that’s:

• Watching a film you love (even if you’ve seen it 20 times).

• Taking yourself out for a coffee and sitting in peace.

• Going for a walk with your favourite podcast.

• Buying yourself flowers for the kitchen table.

You are allowed to create moments that feel special for you, without needing a reason.

4. Set One Loving Boundary

Self-love sometimes looks like saying:

• “I’m not available that evening.”

• “I can’t take that on right now.”

• “I need some quiet time tonight.”

Think of one tiny boundary you could put in place around Valentine’s week that would make life even 5% calmer.

Maybe it’s:

• No work emails after 7pm.

• One evening where you don’t cook and order in instead.

• Asking your partner or family to handle bedtime so you can have a bath in peace.

Boundaries aren’t about shutting people out they’re about protecting the version of you that shows up for everyone.

5. Book Something Future-You Will Thank You For

Sometimes the kindest thing you can do is give yourself something to look forward to.

That might be:

• A Reiki session to help your body reset.

• An Indian Head Massage if your head, neck and shoulders are constantly tense.

• A spot at HayLowe’s Calm Corner my monthly women-only evening of meditation, breathwork and Reiki, designed to help you slow down and breathe again.

Whatever it is, make it intentional:

“I’m booking this because I deserve to feel good, not just get by.”

If Valentine’s Day Feels Lonely or Heavy

I also want to say this:

If Valentine’s Day brings up grief, heartbreak, disappointment or feelings of “not enough” you are not alone.

You are allowed to:

• Mute the hearts-and-flowers content for a bit.

• Spend the evening in your comfiest pyjamas with your favourite snack.

• Cry if you need to.

• Tell a friend, “today feels a bit hard, can we chat?”

Love doesn’t just live in romantic relationships.

It lives in your friendships, your family, the way you show up for your children, your pets, your clients, your community… and most importantly, the way you show up for you.

A Little Love Letter from Me to You

Before you go, I want to leave you with this:

You are not behind.

You are not too much or not enough.

You are not “failing” at life because you’re tired, emotional, or still figuring things out.

You are a human being with a full heart and a full life, doing the best you can with what you have.

This Valentine’s whether you’re out for dinner, at home in your slippers, or somewhere in between I’d love you to ask yourself:

“What’s one small way I can choose myself today?”

And if part of that choice is getting some holistic support Reiki, Indian Head Massage, or joining us at Calm Corner my door (and studio) are always open to you.

With so much love,

Hayley x